Catching up...

I was wasting time on MySpace rather than catching up on my blogging. So, I thought I'd repost something I wrote there... here.

WRITE EXACTLY WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND, AND DON'T CHANGE IT!

I'm tired of:

HEARING FAT GAY SEX DOWN STAIRS (NOT THAT THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH BEING GAY OR FAT) AND THE YAPPY FIGHTING NEXT DOOR. SADLY, THESE NOISES COME FROM PEOPLE WE INVITED TO LIVE HERE. OUR APARTMENT BUILDING USE TO BE SUCH A PEACEFUL PLACE UNTIL "FRIENDS" MOVED IN.



Maybe I should:

STOP BEING A VISUAL PERSON SO I DON'T HAVE MENTAL IMAGES OF THE FAT GAY SEX I HEAR FROM BELOW ME. SERIOUSLY, HE SAYS HE ISN'T GAY... BUT COME ON. AND THE IMAGES WOULD BE AS DISTURBING IF IT WERE STRAIGHT SKINNY SEX. SEX IS JUST DIRTY. THAT'S WHAT THEY TAUGHT ME IN CHURCH.



I Wish:


I DIDN'T HAVE SWEATY BALLS. HOW'S THAT FOR A MENTAL PICTURE?

I have lost my respect for:

PEE WEE HERMAN. HE USE TO BE SO COOL-- WORD OF THE DAY, AND ALL. DO YOU REMEMBER THE EPISODE WHEN HE MARRIED FRUIT SALAD. THAT WAS SO PROGRESSIVE FOR THE 80S.



The meaning of my display name is:

IT'S MY FIRST NAME AND THE PART OF MY LAST NAME. I LIKE TREES, SO IT FITS. OR DO I LIKE TREES BECAUSE IT FITS? I DON'T KNOW? IT DOESN'T MATTER. JUST STOP CUTTING DOWN ALL THE TREES. WHAT DID A TREE EVER DO TO YOU? AND IF YOU SAY, "FELL ON MY HOUSE/ CAR" THAT REALLY WASN'T THE TREES FAULT. THAT WAS GOD TELLING YOU THAT YOU SHOULD PRAY MORE. (this only makes sense if you know my MySpace user name, or probably not,)



Love:

"LOVE IS... WELL, LOVE IS... " THAT'S WHAT THE OFFICIANT SAID AT A WEDDING WE WERE AT TWO WEEKS AGO. "IT CAN'T TRY TO BE ANYTHING. IT JUST IS." I THOUGHT THAT WAS PRETTY DEEP. AND PRETTY STUPID, TOO. THAT'S WHY I KEEP SAYING IT OVER AND OVER AGAIN TO MY WIFE. I LIKE HER TO THINK THAT I'M STUPID SO SHE DOESN'T MAKE ME BALANCE THE CHECK BOOK.



MySpace is:

FOR IDIOTS THAT CAN'T FIND ANYTHING BETTER TO DO WITH THEIR TIME. LIKE ME. SURE, I COULD READ A BOOK, BUT THAT DOESN'T HEAT UP LIKE MY LAPTOP, CAUSING MY BALLS TO SWEAT.



Today:

IS MY LAST DAY WITH STUDENTS, EVEN THOUGH I STILL HAVE TWO WEEKS TO SIT IN MEETINGS AND COMPLETE PAPERWORK. I'D RATHER THE TIME WITH THE STUDENTS.

THEY DON'T MAKE ME WANT TO STAB MYSELF WITH SCISSORS, PULL OUT MY NAILS WITH THE STAPLER REMOVER OR WRITE ON MYSELF WITH SMELLY MARKERS A T-SHIRT THAT READS, "HORRIBLE TEACHERS MAKE HORRIBLE ADMINISTRATORS!"

Tomorrow:

I NEED TO GO TO A PARTY, DRINK SOME BEER, AND TRY NOT TO TALK ABOUT TEACHING. I'LL DO EVERYTHING EXCEPT NOT TALK ABOUT TEACHING. IT IS A SCIENTIFIC FACT THAT IF THERE ARE MORE THAN TWO TEACHER'S IN THE ROOM, ALL THAT WILL BE DISCUSSED IS TEACHING. IN FACT, ONLY ONE TEACHER HAS TO BE IN THE ROOM. THAT'S WHY TEACHERS DON'T HAVE MANY FRIENDS. PLUS WE WERE THE KIDS THAT ATE GLUE.



I get annoyed:

WHEN I CAN'T FIND SOMETHING. SO I PRETTY MUCH STAY ANNOYED. THOUGH EVERYTHING IS LABELED, I MISPLACE CRAP ALL THE TIME. LIKE MY WALLET, KEYS, AND CELL PHONE. IMAGINE MY ANXIETY AT THE ZOO WITH 32 SECOND-GRADERS.



what are you doing?

THINKING ABOUT HOW I'M NOT BEING VERY FUNNY IN THIS DAMN SURVEY AND WONDERING IF ANYONE WILL ACTUALLY READ IT AND IF THEY DO IF THEY'LL EMAIL ME OR COMMENT AND TELL ME HOW FREAKING STUPID I AM AND THAT I SHOULD GET A LIFE BECAUSE IT IS A WASTE OF TIME TO DO THESE THINGS AND NOW I'M THINKING THAT THIS IS A REALLY LONG RUN-ON SENTENCE AND THAT I SHOULD GO BACK AND ADD SOME PERIODS BUT I WON'T BECAUSE IT SAYS AT THE TOP THAT I CAN'T CHANGE ANYTHING.



Parties:

ONLY HAVE ONE EYE IF THEY'RE HARDCORE. OH WAIT, THAT SAYS PARTIES, NOT PIRATES. UM, THEIR STRESSFUL FOR ME AT THE START BECAUSE I'M AN INTROVERTED PERSON. BUT WHEN I COME OUT OF MY SHELL I BRING THE HOUSE DOWN... LIKE NAPOLEON. EVERYONE'S FREAKING VOTING FOR PEDRO WHEN I LEAVE THE DANCE FLOOR.




QUESTIONS


Is your cell phone right by you?

I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE IT IS RIGHT NOW. I PROBABLY LEFT IT IN THE CAR... BECAUSE YOU KNOW, THAT MAKES SENSE. IF SOMEONE CALLS, I WANT TO SIT IN MY CAR TO CHAT.



Is there something you want to tell someone?


TO BUSH, "THANKS FOR THAT STIMULUS CHECK. IT'S ABOUT TIME I GET PAID FOR YOU GIVING IT TO ME IN THE ASS THE LAST EIGHT YEARS."

Do you like anyone now?

DO I HAVE SWEATY BALLS? WHAT A STUPID QUESTION.



If you could have one thing right now what would it be?

A REAL CLASSROOM. MY MOBILE HAS BUGS AND ISN'T BIG ENOUGH FOR ALL MY STUDENTS. PLUS, I'M PRETTY SURE IT MAKES ME SICK WHEN I'M IN THERE TOO LONG. IT SHOULD BE DESTROYED, OR YOU KNOW, GIVEN TO THE SPECIAL ED KIDS.

(THAT'S A JOKE, BUT TOTALLY WHAT THE SCHOOL SYSTEM WOULD DO)

What were you doing at midnight last night?

I WAS HAVING BAD DREAMS ABOUT TODAY'S MEETING. IT INVOLVED ME SITTING, LOOKING AT MY SUPERVISOR, AS SHE RAMBLED ON ABOUT WHAT NEXT WEEK'S MEETINGS WOULD BE ABOUT. AND THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED TODAY. OH, AND SHE TALKED ABOUT EVERYTHING SHE HAS TO DO AND HOW WE DON'T HAVE THAT MUCH TO DO.



When is your birthday?

8-30-YEAR OF THREE POPES.

Are you single or in a relationship?

I'M ABOUT AS RELATIONSHIP AS YOU CAN GET.



What are you excited about?

SUMMER. I'M GOING TO DO WHAT I DID LAST YEAR, WITHOUT THE SUICIDAL THOUGHTS.



How is your life?

IT'S PRETTY GOOD.